I've queued several very angry mp3s from my subversive "Rap" folder, and I've devoured the most recent The Onion update. In case you were wondering, if something is projected onto a screen, played from a compact disc, or read from a page - i.e., if it is visible, audible, or legible - there's a good chance The Onion probably doesn't like it. And that's fine, I'd always been worried that we'd never have a Pitchfork for everything else.
Just a quick note to let you know that part one of my Neo-Geo feature is up in our Land of the Rising Fun section. I kick things off with a look at the history of SNK and the multitude of systems available to the Neo enthusiast.
This video has, no doubt, made the rounds to a hard disk near you - but here's a copy for those still groggy from cryosleep.
Kizombe!: A few days ago, I don't know how many, I was talking about this bizarre Nigerian money scam, which appears to be their nation's largest export. I was sent this excellent link, detailing the time a woman actually wrote them back.
Arcane: I think that the concept intrigues me more than this specific implementation, but whatever. Arcane is an episodic, online graphic adventure which draws heavily on the writings of H. P. Lovecraft. In my heart of hearts, since this was on the "The WB" site, I hoped it was a precursor to some kind of Cthulhu animated series. I have an active imagination.
Nasubi: There might be better places to get this information, but this will probably work. Apparently, a Japanese man was tricked into becoming a national celebrity. Worth reading.
Mechwarrior 4 Co-Op: Blessed are the crafty. I guess I thought this project was designed to convert the maps that came with the original into a multiplayer friendly format, when in actuality they had to recreate each map, populate it with the correct bastards, and then write their own scripts to make it work right. My hat is off to them, which is no mean feat. I had to run to the store, actually get a hat, then take it off, etc.
Facing The Music: An utterly riveting article about the modern music industry that I saw mentioned on Ars. Covers music piracy, industry ineptitude, espouses a few possible theories, it's delicious. The book publishing industry comparisons are especially stimulating.
Shit, sorry guys. I finished the post, and then I didn't bother uploading it.
Lots of people are mailing me and asking about the side quests in Lost Kingdoms. Some of you have even gone so far as to call me a "God damned liar". You have to talk to Gurd people. You know, the old chick that runs the card shop. Talk to her every time you go to the shop. Sometimes she will ask if you want to hear an interesting story. Say YES! She will then tell you a story about something going on in another area that you might be interested in checking out. When you go back to the map, that area will appear. I have already played five side quests and each one of them is great. It’s also a good way to get some very rare cards. I have some friends at Nintendo that are apparently playing the game as well. My plan is to head over there this week with my memory card and give the two player battle mode a shot. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I got really excited when I saw Batjew's post, but I thought he was talking about Metroid.
Gabriel: I hope blue reads my confidential
Tycho: i hope blue catches ebola and his face melts off
Gabriel: hah
Gabriel: after he reads my confidential
Tycho: well, yeah
Tycho: maybe we should put this in the post
Tycho: except for the part about putting it in the post
Gabriel: you should
Gabriel: yeah and the part about you should
Tycho: control-c, control-v
Tycho: just like the pros
Gather round kids and let Uncle Gabe tell you a story. I was maybe eight or nine years old and living with my family in Spokane. The house we lived in was constantly invaded by large black beetles. As a young boy I was never keen on disposing of them in a reasonable fashion. So I would take my mothers Tupperware bowls and simple cover the little bastards up. When my father would come home from work he would find the bowls and get rid of the offending insects while discouraging me from ever doing that again. One day apparently sick of my antics my dad simply moved the bowl a few feet towards my bed. I returned to my room to find the bowl in a different spot and immediately attributed it to the massive strength of the bug contained within. Its choice of direction and distance covered not only implied that he knew where I slept but that he would reach it in short order. Needless to say I was scarred for life. Flash forward 13 years. In every marriage there needs to be one person who accepts the role of bug killer. Kara and I discovered early in our marriage that neither one of us can stand insects. Mere weeks after our glorious union we sat huddled on the couch cursing and shaking our fists at a tiny spider who had somehow managed his way into our home. As we looked at each other we realized that we had no bug killer. “I just assumed you would kill them” she said. “Well I just assumed you would kill them” I retorted. As the years went by I unwillingly took up the mantle of exterminator. I was eventually able to handle all the various bugs Spokane could throw at me. It wasn’t until we moved here to Seattle that I was once again reduced to a blubbering fool huddled on the couch, too scared to even move. These spiders are huge. I’m talking Land of the fucking Lost huge. This is some serious science fiction shit I’m dealing with here. I sucked one up with the vacuum cleaner and then backed away from it slowly. I looked at Kara and she told me to throw the vacuum away and we would just buy another one. Immediately I made my way with it to the dumpster. As I went though I calculated the expenses associated with purchasing a new vacuum cleaner each and every time we saw a spider. At the rate we were encountering these mutant arachnids we would spend the rest of our life in debt to Target. It was then that we made the decision to have our apartment filled with poisonous gas. The next few days were like a fucking vacation. We were walking around barefoot again like we were on some kind of tropical beach. Then I found a note scrawled on a piece of notebook paper and left near my bedside table. It said in shaky handwriting as if written during the agonizing moments before death, “This is not over.”
Gabe and Kara were driven from their home by gigantic arachnids earlier this week, while professionals filled their home with poison. Where we're from originally, Spokanistan, they have spiders, but they don't go to school or some shit like they do here. They don't eat birds or drive cars, for example. Spiders on this side of the state can legally marry.
These America's Army games really seem to enrage some people. I have it under good authority that Brenna's not crazy about them either. That's fine, you can all be wrong together.
I also wanted to draw your attention to our sponsors this month. The fine folks at Arush and Rockstar have stepped up to the advertising plate for all of June. Please be sure and help us out by giving them a little clickity click. Rockstar it seems is also adverting GTA3 over at IGN. My dream is that at the end of the month I will get a mail from Devin over at Rockstar telling me how much better their ads did on PA than IGN. Then he will invite me over to his house for pizza and ice cream and we’ll be best friends forever.
I don't pretend to understand the circumstances surrounding my occasional interest in RPG's. Like Tycho said it hits about every three years or so and when it does I usually pick up two or three titles. Then I inevitably get to points in the games that remind me why I hate RPG's so much and that usually snaps me out of it. Then I can go back to playing something fun like Soccer Slam or REZ.
The second (and final) portion of The Cycle can be found in your grocer's freezer. Barring that, we've also made it available on the site.
I want Scott Kurtz to have my baby. This quote of his from the Comicon thread regarding his latest strips sums up my feelings pretty well: