I suspect that when it comes to fathers and sons, it would be easier to count the truths than the lies. Just this morning, Elliot wanted to know how Ronia was born, and I had no intention of depicting this scenario with any granularity. Instead, I told him that I found her in a shell underwater. It was more elaborate than that, but only because he kept tugging on the thread and I had to arrange ever more elaborate falsehoods to distract him: there were grey sharks adorned in sunken treasure, and a Crab King who laid a garland of red seaweed on her brow and named her Ka-chik-Cha. Honesty is supposedly the best policy, one hears this often, but the truth is that there are no sharks wearing rings and chains of gold in the actual ocean, and I'm sorry but that sucks.

Heading downtown to the Child's Play dinner now, tux in tow, but I just uploaded the next bit.

We are really big fans of Kiko's "Twisp Argyle" design, which is on hoodies and shirts for girls and boys. Such big fans, in fact, that we bothered him about making wallpapers for a super long time. Ultimately, he relented - and you are the beneficiaries.

The last time my father left, for real this time, the legal document that came to define our relationship decreed that I had to go there every other weekend. I'm not especially good at being told what to do, by anybody, and neither is he, so when I'd go to the trailer he lived in to angrily serve out my sentence he was rarely ever there.

Our friend Jeremy Chung (who makes a cameo in this episode of PATV) wanted to know if he could make some Penny Arcade cases for the iPhone 4. We said yes! We would never refuse him anything. They look like this:

When everybody discovers a new wargame at the same time, there's an atmosphere of sharing that accompanies it; everyone is curious about what everyone else can do. You'll read a stat block, and say "Oh no! That's some bullshit!" but you don't mean that it's actually unfair, you mean that it's novel or interesting. Then, once you've had to contend with their "interesting" two-story ice axe or their "novel" dual artillery subsystem that operates according to its own primitive intellect, you think that maybe it's bullshit according to Webster and not bullshit in some colloquial usage. It takes some real balls to put a Behemoth on your wish list.  Megaballs.

I'm writing the notes for our seventh compilation at the moment, which means heading back through a year I only dimply remember.  It may be the same for you.  For example, did you remember this?

I apologize if you are sick and or tired of hearing about our fabulous wares but it must me done. You will find many people online questioning the “give the things you make away for free” business model. I admit it is a tricky thing to make work but a big part of it is merchandise sales and there is no bigger time of year for selling stuff than the holidays. I’ve seen more than one syndicated cartoonist say that web-cartoonists are just a bunch of T-Shirt sales men. To that I say “bullshit...we also sell prints.”

Every year at the Child's Play Dinner (sold out, or I'd make that text a link) we auction an appearance in the strip that sometimes culminates in "Charity Brawls," so intense is the desire to be rendered in Gabriel's hand. Last year, it was Popcap's John Vechey. I'll let you know who gets it this time, so that you may be tantalized preemptively.

You're on it.  

We have a store which has things in it - things you may buy. Limited edition Jim Darkmagic Portraits and Book Six Hard Covers, for example.  Dickwolves Pennants.  Terrifying argyle cats on T-shirts und Hoodies.  Move Minor Standard shirts in Ladies' sizes.  And so very much more.

Gabriel is under the weather, slipping in and out of consciousness, and his condition has given him terrifying glimpses into the after-now - but he managed to produce today's strip, even in this prophetic state. I should have asked him to tell me what this Wednesday's comic was, while he was still suffused with future-stuff. That would have saved me a lot of time.

As a young man I worked a series of retail jobs at Toys R Us and then Circuit City. With out a doubt the worst day to work was Black Friday. I used to dread having to come in and deal with the insane people who showed up for all the deals. I remember one year at Circuit City we were offering a “free” computer. It was a shitty Compaq and you had to sign up for like four years of AOL to get all the rebates. You’d be surprised how many people don’t read the fine print. When they found out about the AOL bit I got yelled at as if this was my fucking policy. I sat there taking the abuse and trying to imagine the world that these people lived in. A world where computers are just given away for free on every street corner. It must be wonderful to be that stupid.

It being Friday, there is new episode of Penny Arcade: The Series. Specifically, The Proposal.  Also called "Erika: The Series." 

There were a few more jinks in reserve. These are aged jinks, comparable to a smoky Gouda.

Poker Night At The Inventory is out, and I've read some really nice things about it sur le web.  I wrote a few lines, but mostly looked after tone, which they seemed to have a strong handle on already.  I snuck a few lines in for other characters as well, because when am I gonna have an opportunity like that again?  Fun project, though.  A+++, would work with again, etc.