I understand the idea of a Midlife Crisis as it is usually imagined, but "an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence" is what my identity itself is based on. My inner life is a video feed of a video feed of a video feed of a mind fracture extending forward, perpetually devoured and devouring. I am a matryoshka of self-hate. Is that… is that not life?

I genuinely don't know if Animal Crossing could have arrived at a better time. I do have other games, I guess. I'm just about done with Doom Eternal, which I think is about two hours too long. Definitely like it, will purchase the DLC, ready to try the multiplayer, but we've reached the game's humblebrag phase now and it's interminable. I just want to pick up the tab and go home. I bought The Division 2: Warlords of New York before East because I love that game but I haven't been in the mood to play a game about humanity descending into urban fiefdoms as the result of a pandemic. Right? That doesn't sound like a recreational activity at the mo.

I'm up against it now, at the very end of the new Doom, which as things come to a close almost has a kind of bullying energy. Maybe these demons had a chance or whatever before I was carrying an arsenal with me everywhere, now I'm on some Destiny-tier immortal Guardian nonsense and the choice matrix for hell monsters is fucking stark. There are only two choices. And both involve me taking some part of them and putting it inside some other part of them, killing them instantly.

I watched Ford vs. Ferrari on the flight to PAX East and now I have this in my home office. 

Of course, today this powerful technology isn't required - that's why we put the strip out early. Now, you can just play it. But anyone born today won't know what we went through, the strange tunnels of force we traveled. The creatures we saw there and the oaths we were made to swear.

Last Friday, I suggested that I'd be heading over to Gabe's house to check out his new obsession with Motorsport Manager, the Playsport Games developed/Sega published slab of autoerotica. I did go over. And it ended up being way, way more interesting than I expected. What I expected was "zero interesting" and what I got was a deep, dark time hole with no bottom.

First they paused school, and then the two week pause became a six week pause. Then events of more than 250 were a no go, then the threshold was fifty. Now all restaurants have been transmuted into the take-out shops, and the things that can be open are "retail locations" that adhere to "some rules," grocery stores, and pharmacies.

Tycho's description of my descent into the car racing rabbit hole is correct. oh how I love the early stages of a new all consuming obsession! the only thing I want to do is learn about racing right now and I can’t get the knowledge in fast enough. I’m watching documentaries, reading books and playing games all about racing. I traveled through a number of different games but eventually I landed on Motorsport Manager for the PC. Even though I was terrible at it, I could not stop playing. I had to show it off to Torko on the stream yesterday and we both had a blast. Fortunately we had some folks in the chat who knew the ins and outs of racing and we learned a ton! 

Ori has a very particular kind of difficulty that I haven't seen since I played the last Ori. I was jumping and then jumping and then dashing and then gliding at a certain point and I was like, "Ah, yes. There you are."

At some level, at some future point, game streaming is gonna be a thing. I can imagine a universe where that's the case. I do imagine things professionally, though, so that might not necessarily be an index of its inevitability. It might instead be a reflection of my capacity - honed over decades and bolstered by entheogens at varying levels of legality - to birth the impossible.

School is completely shut down where Gabe lives; they've got a no-school situation and he's at home now being scourged by it.

Gabe has Jury Duty later this month, and he's worried about it, because… I mean, what's not to worry about. It's meeting new people in a new place under new circumstances he has no control over. It's essentially a device purpose-built to shred Mikes.

I think the era where I'm gonna fill a table with miniatures is over, but now that wargaming and board gaming have this plump and ample skirmishy middle I don't have to. There's a million ways to get this nutrition, now. Even CMON regularly puts out boardgames I'd happily call wargames; it reminds me a little of the period where even as the traditional JPRG was losing ground, its trappings became inescapable in other genres. These metaphors just fucking work, they've got massive cognitive handles on them like kettlebells. And, by hefting them, the mind grows strong.

My Acquisitions Inc. game at PAX East was an absolute blast! The players were totally over powered and cheated constantly but it didn't matter because in the end, I am the DM and I can do whatever I want. And boy did I! You can watch the entire thing right here on the Yub Tub:

I didn't name the strip Lobsterian, Gabe did, but I probably would have named it Lobsterian given the opportunity. On one hand, I could be agitated that he is able to simulate me completely, further diminishing my efforts - but, man. That honestly strikes me as very good news. I get paid the exact same.

I’ve had a few requests for a version of this year’s PAX East cover suitable for desktops. Enjoy!