I entered that contest Bioware was having.  Did you hear about that?  The one where you write a dialogue centered module using their tools, and maybe they give you a job writing their actual games?  Invigorating!  There are plenty of challenges where gamers are exhorted to produce their finest maps and so forth, their finest software - tasks so removed from my own experience as to be mythical trials.  

If you entered a piece into this contest, I do feel a little bad.  They might not even get to yours because they may still be writhing on the floor, overwhelmed by the torrent of pleasure sprayed by my own epic product:  The Black Barn of Horesion.  Something happened in that  charred stable a hundred years ago - and within it neighs a waiting doom.

What Bioware is doing here is highly unorthodox, if not out and out unprecedented.  Stories occupy a debased strata of development priorities already, and the execution of those stories clings for dear life on a rung far below, foot very close to the black crust that has hardened over a cauldron of burning magma.  They have other shit to worry about, I don't blame them.  All the same, it was interesting to see a company move in this way, fishing for authors right out of the community. 

Many people were curious about the revelations of one Mr. Smith we posted recently, revelations authorized only for agents whose sec-prot threshhold is Delta or higher.  His seismic expose rocked  the very foundations of the thing that we are talking about.  I cast my net again recently, and came up with this tasty little cracker:

[Begin Message]

I’m sure most of you saw this yesterday but in case you missed it, 1up has a nice article about WOW 1.10. It looks like priests are getting a re-spec with this patch. Also you’ll be able to “upgrade” blue armor sets by completing a series of quests. Also Blizzard will be adding some very cool looking weather effects to the game finally. 1up has a couple trailers showing off the new rain and snow. They are pretty small but damn they look good.

My friend Joel Johnson wants to know more, a lot more, about our Mr. Smith and his adventures in the deep darkness of online marketing.  Of course, he would - he runs The Consumerist, a blog which is essentially about companies who trick people.  But Mr. Smith didn't end up taking the job - though I'll bet someone who reads the site might have.  Unburden yourself, sir or madam.  Reveal your sins and secrets, and let contrition make you whole.

(CW)TB  

The unstoppable Überjumper - for whom no obstacle is an impediment - lets us know that there will be a second Dawn of War expansion, something to follow-up Winter Assault that will bring two more armies to the mix.  For those of you playing our home game, that's fully seven sides to choose from.  Once you get to seven, can you even call them "sides" anymore?  One tries to visualize this won'drous geometry, and is defeated.  They suggest that one of the new sides will be Tau, which seems like a good match, and I'd imagine that those who completed Winter Assault have some idea who the last army will be.  

Something else I saw over at Relicnews was the final script for Homeworld 2.  I've always found the mechanics of game writing interesting, and you may enjoy it as well.  It's here, if you want it.

(CW)TB

I just read that it's up now, no new features, and some fairly obscure resolutions for problems I have never encountered and likely wouldn't ever witness for the remainder of my natural life. 

One important improvement:  when recovering your profile from Xbox Live, it now gives you the option to not delete your saved games!  And they say our masters in Redmond are not benevolent.

(CW)TB

Infinium Labs is ostensibly creating a home console, it is difficult to tell sometimes, plus their product is called the Phantom - a word that means illusory.  Everything to do with the Goddamn Phantom is drilled down through so many strata of irony that it is literally hazardous to work down here.  Apparently the sort of people who invest in this shit don't read HardOCP, because Infinium Labs has (through some roiling alchemical process) managed to secure additional funding for their night-black financial abyss.

We are not business people, if things have gone well for us in this regard it is because our wild thrashings attracted devious minds, the scent of our naivete drawing them in like predators.  This said, having met the creators of this machine at E3 two years ago, we made it very clear that while we could not imagine the sort of person for whom the Phantom console would fill a void, the industrial design of their lapboard was something that desperately needed to materialize in the market.  This hasn't become less true since - indeed, the supposed "HD Revolution" makes it more valid, if anything.  A remote keyboard and mouse combination that is visually attractive and feels comfortable?  Yes, yes - now and forever yes.  Supposedly this new funding will help make that a reality, a turn of events I won't impede with ironic commentary. 

Two other things: 

I hope that you have played the game Trackmania Sunrise.  I could go on at length, but it's simply an excellent racing genre entry, combining straight-ahead driving thrills with something you might call "race platforming," as well as highly amusing car customization and a robust suite of tools for track construction.  Developer Nadeo has kicked out something they're calling Trackmania Nations, a free version of their game explicitly designed to be a competitive international sport.

I haven't  played it yet, because the install uses Starforce and requires a reboot.  Since the game is free and they are actively trying to get is distributed as widely as possible, I assume it's there to stymie hackers.  Starforce is starting to become prevalent on the software I purchase - I'm aware that it is not universally adored, but I downloaded my first pirated game when I was eleven, and those channels have only gotten more sophisitcated since.  I'd love to hear a case for it that isn't based on paranoid unprovable quantities, dark visions, and boardroom prophecies of unauthorized usage.

There is supposedly some kind of Ultimate Xbox 360 Patch of Ultimate Destiny today, but the list of things that it resolves are - and this is a quote - "Every problem people are having on their 360z0rz."   I've seen it reported on about six sites now, some of which I have actually heard of, so...  great.  The original Xbox went through two fairly pronounced iterations, both of which provided substantial additions to base functionality.   Part of me is agitated to think that the platform is so malleable, but I also know that the 360 is capable of a lot more than they've exposed to users.   Increased competition might spur them to dispense some measure of it.

(CW)TB out.

tiny suns infused with sour

Gamespot is reporting that Heroes of Might and Magic V has been moved forward. 

Did the Heroes V petition actually work?  Based on the article, it's hard to say - it sounds like it might have been in the offing already.  But if the release date has been shifted, I'm going to call that a good thing, without qualifications. 

(CW)TB

Just wanted to let you know that sign-ups for the beta close down tomorrow - Saturday, at 10:00am. 

I can imagine that the urge to now rubberneck the HOMMV beta might be pretty intense for some people.  If you do end up getting it, I recommend that you convince a friend to jump in as well, and try the "Duel" gametype specifically.  This mode can be played without a lot of hassle, probably because the UI for starting games has a good deal fewer variables.  You'll see after a round or two that there's some really reat work being done on the game, fans of turn-based on the PC usually don't get this kind of splendor. 

My fingers are crossed in order to hasten positive outcomes.

(CW)TB

It was so far out of the statistical deviation that I wanted to bring it to your attention.

(CW)TB

We received the following from a young man who we will call "Mr. Smith." 

(CW)TB

Hey guys,

I interviewed for a guerilla marketing business in San Francisco that targeted web forums.

I was told that if I accepted the job, I was to have at LEAST 50 identities on as many forums as I could muster (they wanted 100 eventually), with a goal of 5 posts an hour.  The posts had to be well thought out, and the idea was that I was to establish multiple identities with a history on the forums, so that when the timing was right a well written but subtly placed marketing post could be finessed in.  And regular visitors would recognize the post as coming from a long time poster.

They had 12 people working there full time, and were hiring 10 more.  You do the math.  No wait, I'll do it for you:  that's 880 posts a day (if minimum was met).  However he said the better ones could do around 8 or 10 an hour.  And they had different "verticals" so there was the sports guy, and the games guy, the hentai, excuse me I mean anime guy, etc.

But the most critical point was this: develop and integrate the identity.  No random "HEY EB GAMES IS AWESOME BUY THIS" stuff.

Kinda spooky.

Didn't take the job.  It was a fucking mill.

I have often made mention of the fact that I did not attend college.  While this is true, I do hold a certification of sorts - albeit in an unorthodox field. 

The Heroes of Might and Magic V beta that I brought up at every available opportunity is, upon examination, almost completely unworkable.  There is more to say about it, but that needs to get top billing:  the software they released for people to test is pretty much a train wreck.  Perseverance can get you through the mind-bending player matching interface and into the meat of the game, a realm not entirely without merit, but getting all the way through a match practically requires an auspicious celestial event.   Which I guess fits the setting.

I've been pounding on beta code for more than a decade now, so I didn't enter into this expecting to get retail quality without paying for it.  You might recall that the Anarchy Online beta actually destroyed my partition, so I cross myself when I install this shit.  What I'm saying is that it's difficult to find the game we're being asked to test in there.  You can see for yourself, if you want.  The beta is now open to all.      

The community (which refers to itself as "The HoMMunity")  has, from the state of the beta, mobilized to ask that the product be delayed.  This is on virtually the same day that I read universally glowing previews from Eurogamer, GameSpot, GameSpy, and 1up.  I'd love to make a snarky comment about this, but I'm honestly just confused by the disparity. 

I've played betas that were released for sale virtually unchanged; I've played betas that saw radical improvements in only a couple weeks.   You should have seen some of the games that launched with the 360, just twenty or so days before launch.  It would amaze you.  I don't know what Nival's internal process is, if they are a house that delivers the "long bomb" in the "fourth quarter," or whatever.  But I do know that faith in Heroes of Might and Magic was dealt a blow by an undercooked fourth installment, and that a lot is riding on this revived setting for stalwart fans who have endured much.

Can such a petition even work?  We don't have enough information about the project internally to know.  There have been two very recent instances of Ubi delaying a title to make it a better product:  Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, a game which was supposed to materialize in the launch window of the 360, was pushed back for just this reason.  In the intervening period, it's become something that demands to be taken seriously.  Announced just yesterday was a push for Splinter Cell, a game I was looking at to really inaugurate the generation - that won't see light until September.  HoMM is meant for another type of gamer altogether, though - and I doubt they have the same sales projections for a knight riding a pony that they do for their special forces and their superspies. 

(CW)TB out.

sewn in his skin a little microchip

I got a lot of mail about the recent WOW cyber sex comic we did. Essentially asking me how much truth there was to it. I’m sad to say its pretty much 100% accurate.

We ordered pizza today for lunch, to celebrate...  Wednesday Day, and it occurred to me that some wings might not go amiss.  Look at the box they came in:

Tycho and I agree when it comes to the new Black demo. We both think it’s pretty boring. It’s not a bad demo, it’s just nothing special either. I’ll say that after playing the demo I can’t imagine any reason to purchase the final game. However in order to get the demo I had to pre-order the game. Those tricky bastards.

The post at EBWorld, included verbatim in the strip, was so relentlessly on message that  we concocted a paranoid theory that isn't really that paranoid or theoretical. 

After seeing the many exquisite videos of Black - the "Matrix Trailer" in particular - there wasn't a lot of hand-wringing associated with our pre-order.  Further induced by a playable demo given out for such orders, we returned to our Batcave equivalent to dig in and congratulate ourselves on our no doubt excellent purchase. 

In our inimitable fashion, we have described to you in the past how the software they show in May at E3 is magically transmuted into the demo gamers play seven, eight, or nine months later on a coverdisc.  It's a snapshot of the development cycle, tree rings or some shit, and there are sometimes very real differences between that demo and what percolates through the retail channel.  You can see some things, already.  There's an effect when the player reloads in the newest videos - your awareness of the gameworld is cropped down to the weapon itself - that here's no trace of here.  One wonders what phase of the project this sample represents, because I can absolutely do without the game they're showing me here.

After seeing much better realized play spaces in action packed/meticulously prepared footage, the level, the gunplay, and the arsenal on offer really isn't anything to get excited about.  I shot through walls and shit almost six years ago in Red Faction, so you're going to have to bring a little more than that.  Are they thinking that we'll forget?  I wonder if they have a level where you eat dots.  

It's already a marketing triumph, with thair "gun porn" imagery having taken deep root in the gamer psyche.  Based on this playable, they are simply raiding the tombs of the first person Genre Kings - wicker baskets hauled to the top of the shaft, brimming with dusty genre tropes. 

After a couple nights of trying to get the new Chaos Theory co-op maps working on the 360 via emulator, I think it's time to hang it up.  It crashes, reproducibly, at about sixty-five percent of the level load.  It would be one thing if I could then go on to play sixty-five percent of the level, but it actually hard locks the console, forcing me to leave the couch and physically manipulate it like mankind was forced to do in the olden days.  I've crafted a novel solution to the issue:  I am going to play the game on the original Xbox, where I am told compatibility is almost assured.  I  wish that I had arrived at this plan sooner. 

(CW)TB out.

and the night got deathly quiet